Jukebox Mind got a chance to speak with Yolandi Franken, Television Personality and Instagrammer about life, love, and relationships. Working in the entertainment industry word has it that relationships can be difficult. Is it true or all just a myth?
Q. Yolandi, working in the entertainment industry, would you say it is harder to maintain a relationship than in any other profession?
Yolandi: I do not believe that a blanket rule can be applied, or that this can be generalized. I think that any industry has its challenges and in this modern world, with our busy lifestyles, relationships seem to be harder to maintain. Saying that I think that if you choose your life partner wisely, you should not have any problems.
Q. What do you mean by “wisely”, what do you think will constitute a great relationship?
Yolandi: I am no expert, and everyone probably has their own views, but I believe that relationships will always be work and need a lot of trust, communication, and compromise to be successful. However, if you choose someone whose personality and lifestyle is complementary to yours and you share similar interests, goals, and dreams, it becomes easier to work towards those things together as a team. In other words, this will not only bring you closer, but you can also support each other to achieve your combined goals sooner.
At the same token, if you do get involved in each other’s lives to this extent, you just need to make sure that you give each other enough personal space and time so that you maintain your individuality.
Q. Can you elaborate on what you mean by that?
Yolandi: What I mean is, even if you have the best relationship and shared interests and goals, you still need to maintain your individuality. You do not want to lose yourself and become completely dependent on the other person for your happiness and for sustaining your life and dreams. You should still have your own sets of friends and interests apart from the combined ones. Everyone needs their space. Everyone needs to spend some time apart too.
It is wonderful to have someone to share things with, to spend time with, and someone that has your back. It is a great and comfortable feeling. But it is good to be apart for short periods so you can miss each other and gather some new topics to talk about if that makes any sense.
Q. It does. So what is love to you?
Yolandi: I believe that love is when you care about someone so much that even their flaws become something beautiful to you, something that you would not change. I guess if you care about them unconditionally. You do not want them to change their flaws because it will change who they are – and you like who they are. I believe that you can love someone without them loving you back or without them even knowing that you love them, and you don’t even care – it’s about how you feel, not about how you want them to feel. BUT, if they feel the same way about you, then I think it is true love. A great test is if you are happy to sacrifice what you need to make sure the other person gets what they need. Let me clarify, you should not have to sacrifice yourself or what you need for someone else. However, if you know that in order for them to be with you, they need to sacrifice something, and you rather let them go than to expect that sacrifice, it will be an act of love.
Q. What would you say is the perfect relationship?
Yolandi: The perfect relationship to me is if two people can live together as one, share their lives, dreams, happiness, and sorrows, but still stay individuals and independents. Being together because you want to, not because you need to. Being responsible for your own happiness and not putting that burden on the person you love. Being respectful of each other’s personalities, needs, space, and dreams. I think if you have love and respect for each other, the rest will follow. Do not try and change each other. If you need to change someone to be happy with them, you are not with the right person.
Q. You admit that relationships require some work. Is it worth it in your opinion?
Yolandi: There will probably always be ups and downs, but I think it is worth it if you found the right one, and if they feel the same about you.
Q. What are the biggest relationship blunders people should avoid?
Yolandi: Hmm, apart from the things I already mentioned, I think that making sure you are ready. In my experience, you can mess up something special if you get into a relationship at the wrong time. If it is meant to be, the opportunity will still be there when you are ready.
Q. What would constitute the wrong time?
Yolandi: If you are not in a good place personally, or you have some baggage to deal with. That can really get in the way. For example, you might not open up as much as you should, or you could have walls up without even realizing it. And you will probably act out of character and not be comfortable or confident within yourself. You could present a skewed version of yourself. It is not fair on the other person and you can really damage your chances.
Q. What would you say are the pros and cons of being in a relationship?
Yolandi: Like I said, if you chose the right person, you will have many more pros than cons. Pros are that it is beautiful to fall asleep in someone’s arms at night and to wake up next to someone that you love. It is great to have a special person to share all your good and bad emotions with and to know that you are loved for who you are, and to know that you have a space to feel safe. The cons will depend on how bad of a choice you made with your partner.
Q. Is it acceptable for a female to make the first move, to ask a guy out, or even to ask a guy to get married?
Yolandi: I think anything is acceptable. People should be true to themselves and their relationships. I also think that the dynamic of the relationship and the individual personalities will make it acceptable or not. I do not think there is anything wrong with that. I am not looking, but if I were, I would never make the first move again. I have very rarely done it before, but I am confident in who I am now and if someone doesn’t think I am worth taking a risk for, then he is not a strong enough person for me, and therefore he is not worthy of my love. I guess you can look it at from another point of view and say that if you are confident in who you are then you should just ask the guy out. That is also true, but it depends on what your life experiences, paths, and sacrifices were up to this point. As someone who is a giver, I need to know at the start at least that I will be worth his time and his risk, and that he is also willing to go the yards for me. I am no longer available to be taken advantage of, and I have learned how to mitigate that risk. This is one way.
Q. What is your view about your industry in which people are expected to cross physical lines for their work, or producers and directors allegedly taking advantage of others?
Yolandi: I do not think it is any different in my industry than in any other industry. The entertainment industry is just more exposed because the whole point of the industry is to be in the public eye. That sort of thing happens in any industry – I thought it would be a known fact by now. As for actors having to cross lines when acting – for example doing physical scenes in films – it is not as sexy as what it looks on screen. With a whole team around, and with the intimacy guidelines in place, it is very robotic. Besides, actors are not forced into the situation. It comes with the job and they know it. In fact, they can turn down a role if it does not agree with what they are comfortable with. But I cannot really speak for them to the extent that you would like me to, I am not an actor. As for partners of actors, if you cannot accept that they might sometimes have to be confronted with those roles, you should not be with them, or you should learn to trust them.
We would like to thank you Yolandi for talking to us today and sharing her insights.
You can follow her on social media: